Adulting with Autism
Hey All!
The last month or so has been incredibly stressful for me! As we near ever closer to the beginning of the new academic year for those starting or returning to university, I've personally had a lot to organise, primarily my flat, my courses and job applications. Adulting can be difficult at the best of times, but add the capacity for becoming overwhelmed that so often comes with autism and it can quickly become even harder!
I think the primary reasons why my ability to become overwhelmed makes admin and adulting a little more challenging for me personally is that it involves a lot of organisation and is very often social intense. I don't wish to speak for everyone on the spectrum but I do feel like having a condition which is characterised by difficulty with communication and processing information makes 'adult' tasks a little extra challenging. There's emails and phone calls and meetings and numbers and dates and to do lists. When your takes in absolutely everything without filtering but simultaneously fails to organise said information it can feel like your brain is just too full, which can cause overload and potentially a meltdown or difficulty functioning. I definitely feel like this sometimes. There are just so many thoughts and feelings go around in my head that I either explode or shut down due to my capacity for overload. People seem to think that overload is just about sensory input but it can be about any information, including admin and emotions. Additionally, even if you're masking really well and successful completing the necessary tasks with the correct people skills, the increase in socialisation can be incredibly tiring and stressful, increasing the risk of becoming overloaded.
I thought that rather than only talking about how crappy admin I would give a few tips that I have recently learnt that may help you with adulting. Remember, I am not an expert but these are just some things that help me:
1. Take everything one step at a time - obviously everyone has to deal with deadlines every now and again, they're often enviable and without them very few things would probably get done. This means that you can't work through things too slowly but that doesn't mean you have to race through daunting tasks. Try as much as possible to take things at a comfortable pace because ultimately you'll get more done working at a steady pace than rushing and having a meltdown. Also, even if things are pretty hectic and things need to get done quickly, take everything one step at a time can simply be a mentality. When you need to work fast maybe avoid making long to-do lists that will only stress you out and just focus on the task currently at hand.
2. Shut off - offices are only open until a specific time and people enviably leave work, so shut off at a reasonable time. Trust me, I know it is easy become obsessed with a particular task, especially when as an autistic person your brain becomes easily hyper-focused on a singular thing. However, admin and the social side of getting things organised are stressful and you need to be able to shut off. Ultimately, if it is 9pm and someone you are communicating with isn't going to see your email or text until tomorrow morning away, make a mental note to do it first thing in the morning and then do your best to enjoy a restful evening. Similarly, if someone contacts you at a late hour and it isn't urgent let it wait until the morning. You can't be doing all the time so you need to be able to say at some point in the day that this your time to relax and de-stress.
3. Don't be afraid to ask for proof-reading - one especially challenging part of admin and adulting is writing emails. As a social task wording emails or texts can be incredibly challenging for many of us on the spectrum. Not only can it feel awkward as hell but it also feels like there's TONS of unspoken social etiquette around written communication, such as politeness, whether to be formal or informal and how to start and end your message. Don't be afraid to get the opinion of someone you trust on something you've written if it will put you at ease and help you feel more confident about pressing send.
4. Don't hesitate to ask for help - sometimes we have to do things ourselves but that doesn't always mean that you can't ask for a little help, especially when doing something for the first time. Whether that's asking someone to read over a tenancy agreement with you because you find all the new information a little too much, or asking someone to help you create a plan of how you're going to get everything down because you're struggling with executive functioning, it's always better to ask and get told no than to never ask at all. I completely understand that it can scary to admit that you need a little bit of support but ultimately if someone judges you for find such tasks a little more challenging than that's their problem, not yours!
5. Celebrate the small victories - to some people making a phone call or putting together a plan for the week's tasks may seem incredibly easy but for some of us they can as daunting as a skydive or lion taming, and that isn't a bad thing or something to be ashamed. If you managed to hold a half an hour phone meeting with a tutor despite feeling anxious or were able to read through a piece of paperwork that overwhelmed you than you should be proud and you should feel valid in rewarding yourself. Maybe you could watch a film, treat yourself to one of your favourite foods or indulge in your special interest after completing especially difficult tasks!
Just remember, we are all different and that means that we all struggle with different things and we all reach different milestones at different times. It's good to stretch yourself but you need to look after yourself while doing so. Self-care is SO important so don't push yourself too far, especially not without a support system or positive coping mechanisms at hand!
Try to be a little kinder to yourself this week <3
See you later Alligators!
Freya x
PHOTO SOURCES:
http://www.volunteerglasgow.org/volunteer/https-opportunities-volunteerglasgow-org-vk-volunteers-my_opportunities_info_ur-htmpid10046157/
https://www.quora.com/Do-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-tend-to-avoid-sensory-overload
https://quotess.net/motivational/positive/positive-quotes-dont-forget-to-take-a-break-self-care-is-important/
The last month or so has been incredibly stressful for me! As we near ever closer to the beginning of the new academic year for those starting or returning to university, I've personally had a lot to organise, primarily my flat, my courses and job applications. Adulting can be difficult at the best of times, but add the capacity for becoming overwhelmed that so often comes with autism and it can quickly become even harder!
I think the primary reasons why my ability to become overwhelmed makes admin and adulting a little more challenging for me personally is that it involves a lot of organisation and is very often social intense. I don't wish to speak for everyone on the spectrum but I do feel like having a condition which is characterised by difficulty with communication and processing information makes 'adult' tasks a little extra challenging. There's emails and phone calls and meetings and numbers and dates and to do lists. When your takes in absolutely everything without filtering but simultaneously fails to organise said information it can feel like your brain is just too full, which can cause overload and potentially a meltdown or difficulty functioning. I definitely feel like this sometimes. There are just so many thoughts and feelings go around in my head that I either explode or shut down due to my capacity for overload. People seem to think that overload is just about sensory input but it can be about any information, including admin and emotions. Additionally, even if you're masking really well and successful completing the necessary tasks with the correct people skills, the increase in socialisation can be incredibly tiring and stressful, increasing the risk of becoming overloaded.
I thought that rather than only talking about how crappy admin I would give a few tips that I have recently learnt that may help you with adulting. Remember, I am not an expert but these are just some things that help me:
1. Take everything one step at a time - obviously everyone has to deal with deadlines every now and again, they're often enviable and without them very few things would probably get done. This means that you can't work through things too slowly but that doesn't mean you have to race through daunting tasks. Try as much as possible to take things at a comfortable pace because ultimately you'll get more done working at a steady pace than rushing and having a meltdown. Also, even if things are pretty hectic and things need to get done quickly, take everything one step at a time can simply be a mentality. When you need to work fast maybe avoid making long to-do lists that will only stress you out and just focus on the task currently at hand.
2. Shut off - offices are only open until a specific time and people enviably leave work, so shut off at a reasonable time. Trust me, I know it is easy become obsessed with a particular task, especially when as an autistic person your brain becomes easily hyper-focused on a singular thing. However, admin and the social side of getting things organised are stressful and you need to be able to shut off. Ultimately, if it is 9pm and someone you are communicating with isn't going to see your email or text until tomorrow morning away, make a mental note to do it first thing in the morning and then do your best to enjoy a restful evening. Similarly, if someone contacts you at a late hour and it isn't urgent let it wait until the morning. You can't be doing all the time so you need to be able to say at some point in the day that this your time to relax and de-stress.
3. Don't be afraid to ask for proof-reading - one especially challenging part of admin and adulting is writing emails. As a social task wording emails or texts can be incredibly challenging for many of us on the spectrum. Not only can it feel awkward as hell but it also feels like there's TONS of unspoken social etiquette around written communication, such as politeness, whether to be formal or informal and how to start and end your message. Don't be afraid to get the opinion of someone you trust on something you've written if it will put you at ease and help you feel more confident about pressing send.
4. Don't hesitate to ask for help - sometimes we have to do things ourselves but that doesn't always mean that you can't ask for a little help, especially when doing something for the first time. Whether that's asking someone to read over a tenancy agreement with you because you find all the new information a little too much, or asking someone to help you create a plan of how you're going to get everything down because you're struggling with executive functioning, it's always better to ask and get told no than to never ask at all. I completely understand that it can scary to admit that you need a little bit of support but ultimately if someone judges you for find such tasks a little more challenging than that's their problem, not yours!
5. Celebrate the small victories - to some people making a phone call or putting together a plan for the week's tasks may seem incredibly easy but for some of us they can as daunting as a skydive or lion taming, and that isn't a bad thing or something to be ashamed. If you managed to hold a half an hour phone meeting with a tutor despite feeling anxious or were able to read through a piece of paperwork that overwhelmed you than you should be proud and you should feel valid in rewarding yourself. Maybe you could watch a film, treat yourself to one of your favourite foods or indulge in your special interest after completing especially difficult tasks!
Just remember, we are all different and that means that we all struggle with different things and we all reach different milestones at different times. It's good to stretch yourself but you need to look after yourself while doing so. Self-care is SO important so don't push yourself too far, especially not without a support system or positive coping mechanisms at hand!
Try to be a little kinder to yourself this week <3
See you later Alligators!
Freya x
PHOTO SOURCES:
http://www.volunteerglasgow.org/volunteer/https-opportunities-volunteerglasgow-org-vk-volunteers-my_opportunities_info_ur-htmpid10046157/
https://www.quora.com/Do-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-tend-to-avoid-sensory-overload
https://quotess.net/motivational/positive/positive-quotes-dont-forget-to-take-a-break-self-care-is-important/
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