Able and Disabled

Hi there! I know that's it's been a while since I've posted here. Being on my year abroad and consequently coming back from my year abroad were big challenges for me and I felt like I needed some time to just readjust and settle back in at home, but today I felt like I really need to speak so I'm back! I know it's been said a million times already but we are truly living in 'unprecedented' times and I hope you are all staying well and safe. I also hope you are trying to be responsible in how you engage with the outside world and those around you. However, what I want to talk about today isn't the pandemic itself, but rather what life will look for those of us who are disabled and/or neurodiverse post-pandemic. Obviously we are no where near going back to complete normality right now but, at least in the UK, rules are starting to relax and the world around us is starting to open up again, be it slowly. This has got me thinking about the challenges po...

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mental illness, depression, self-harm and trauma Hi There! Sorry to have kept quiet for a little bit there but as you may or may not know I have recently moved to India for the study abroad aspect of my degree! The last few weeks have been absolutely hectic, amazing and mind blowing so I thought I'd check in with you on quite an important topic; how I'm doing, how receiving mental health support aided my depression 'recovery' (which is a word I actually want to discuss) and how India surprisingly fits brilliantly with all of this. I feel that it's so important to discuss when things are getting better and becoming manageable because there are too many places on the internet where we can feed our depressive thoughts and not enough where we can receive hope. Between February and June of this year I was going through what was definitely the worst depressive episode of my entire life. I had external factors contributing to my poor mental health,...

Good Afternoon, I hope you having an absolutely glorious summer whether you are. Today's topic isn't exactly the most cheerful, sunny topic. Having recently finished university for the year I have been looking for some work so that I can support myself in London for the summer. Trying to get a job is rarely easy for anyone, however the system is undoubtedly ableist. We live in a society where the goal is so often making money and if working with so one requires a change of perspective or environment then that is seen as a frustrating obstacle rather than opportunity to work with a new person with potential skills and experiences. It's true, being disabled or someone who struggles with mental health does increase your life admin, but it kinda puts a bad taste in my mouth when I'm turned away from a full time position because I have regular appointments. This summer I have also found my autism has been a greater challenge in finding employment. It's hard to not fe...

Hey! I hope you are all doing so well. Thank you so much for being patient while I took a small break. As those of you who have read my previous posts may know I have been going through a rather difficult depressive episode and anxious period. One thing I haven't yet talked about is the toxic living situation which had in fact worsened my mental state and heavily affected my self esteem and worth. While I don't wish to go into detail about the exact nature of this situation, what I would like to talk about today is how being in a much more supportive environment has massively helped me start moving forward. Leaving my previous living situation I was struggling with an excessive amount of anxiety and extremely poor self esteem. I had left with a conditioned fear of upsetting or angering those around me, and I was carrying a lot of trauma from being trapped in a situation in which you are constantly being torn down. I felt like my nature as an autistic and anxious individual ha...

Hey! I hope you've had a great week and if you were involved I hope you had a fab Autism Awareness Week! Today I wanted to talk about autism again because something I experience a lot, including recently, is people questioning how autistic I am. Quite often the way it's worded isn't suggesting that I'm not autistic but rather that I'm not THAT autistic, which is still frustrating because it can feel like the ways in which I do struggle are being undermined. Today I thought I'd talk about why this might be an impression that some people have of me and why it can be SUPER annoying! First, different people see different sides of me. This can be for a number of reasons; how close we are, what kind of situations we experience together and how often we see each other. Masking is a common trait among those on the spectrum. It's not so much that we're being fact, we're still us, but simply that we might be focusing really hard on things such as social sk...

Hey! Hope you are well. I've been pretty overwhelmed recently but today I wanted to discuss the access to BSL (British Sign Language) within our community. I've personally wanted to start learning BSL for sometime now, but along with being busy it's difficult to know my place within this particular space. BSL isn't just for the severely deaf but is used by many within the hard of hearing community who may struggle with clarity or understanding. Furthermore, sign language can be used by many without hearing problems but who struggle with communication for any reason, such as those living on the autistic spectrum. My hearing loss is mild. In 1:1 conversations or when I'm watching something on my own I can cope without my hearing aids. However, in loud or heightened social situations I can definitely struggle to gain clarity and fully know what is going on around me. In these kinds of circumstances knowing some basic BSL and being able to share that knowledge with ...

Hey! I hope you are well and having a fantastic 2019 so far! I can't believe that we are already halfway through the first month of the year! Today I wanted to talk about cerebral palsy, a topic I haven't focused very much recently. Even though cerebral palsy affects me in many ways every single day, I no longer receive regular medical attention for this particular facet of my disability and not a lot changes in my condition. For this reason I perhaps talk about cerebral palsy a little less; it's the diagnosis I've lived with the longest and is the most stagnant. However, I recently made the decision to purchase myself a walking stick and thought this may be a good experience to share. As I have already mentioned, I don't really see any doctors or other medical professionals on the basis of cerebral palsy anymore, meaning that the decision to get a stick was entirely my own. I don't think that this fact makes my decision or use of a walking stick any less va...

Hey! Hope you are well! Sorry for the slight break in posts over Christmas, I just felt that following some of my difficulties at the end of last term I needed that time to take care of myself and relieve some of the pressure I felt under. Now I am back and I'm looking forward to a whole new year of content and conversation, especially since there will be so much to talk about, such as my year abroad and turning 21! It looks as though there will lots of new, exciting things happening on this blog in 2019! Mental health and the new year is what I wanted to talk about today. New Year's Resolutions are always an interesting topic; some people make them and some people don't, some people stick to them and some people abandon them. My New Year's Resolutions last year were very focused upon work and productivity. My focus was mostly upon getting a job, saving money and specific grade goals, and while all these goals were incredibly important at the time and I still want t...

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Anxiety, Stress, Mental Health Hey! I hope you've been well. Honestly, I've been finding the last couple of weeks very challenging; physically and emotionally. To anyone who has spent time with me recently this will not be a surprise. This first term has been tough and it has knocked me and it has tired me, and it is only now that I've started to show myself my kind of compassion that I have needed. Today I thought that I'd talk a little about my recent experiences with burnout, stress and mental health as an autistic person with mental health and physical health challenges, partially for awareness and partially to let anyone who is having a difficult time right now know that they are not alone and that it is okay to struggle. I have always been one to push myself and expect myself to be capable of doing more and more; in short I have never been very good at showing kindness to myself. I have always been heavily critical of myself and have always...

Hey All! Sorry for my absence last week. Things haven't been overly easy recently and I needed to focus on coping with the basics for a little while but today I'm back to have an honest chat about the importance of speaking out about mental health, why this can be difficult and why it is especially important not to feel bad for struggling. Over the last term I have been struggling, both with individual circumstances and with my mental health but I really want to work on my self-compassion and being open when I am having a difficult time. Ultimately that is exactly the kind of thing that all my work on here and with #InvisiblyValid is all about, overcoming stigma and feeling valid in our experiences. Having found myself struggling with anxiety and mood related issues throughout my life I have and still do experience the difficulties attached to being open about your mental health struggles. I think it's especially important to recognise that stigma isn't overcome onc...

Hi Guys! Sorry for not posting as usual on Wednesday. I've actually got a bit of a cold at the moment and I thought that's what I would talk today; disability and illness. Obviously many of those who live with chronic illness would identify themselves as disability but today what I want to talk about is rather the experience of minor illness or sickness (e.g. bugs, flus, etc.) with disability, as I think it's not something that is often talked about. I would like to talk about sickness in regards to both physical and neurological disabilities and why being sick when you already live with other conditions can be a potentially frustrating experience. Please remember that when I am talking about physical symptoms that I am not a professional and that I am only talking from personal experience. I think the experience of disability and sickness that is most understood is that of physical disability. It is completely understandable that if you already live and experience a c...

Hey All! I hope everyone is well! For those of us at university term one is now in full swing. At this point it is easy and understandable to start feeling a little overwhelmed. I know that with both university and work, I have found myself experiencing an increase in instances of overload, particularly as a student with autism. It is often part of student and autistic nature to want to push through the overload, meltdowns and shutdowns and keep on working but too often this is actually the worst thing you can do. Sure, you need to keep on top of assignments and due dates but it is also important not to push yourself too far because if you burn out it is likely you'll struggle to do anything at all. As an autistic individual I find myself often seeking and relying upon routine and plans. In order to prevent myself overwhelmed and make sure that everything gets done I've been creating weekly schedules for myself, containing my classes, shifts and the work I need to do at hom...

Hey All! Sorry for the delay in posting, it's been kind of a hectic week! That's actually part of why I've chosen to talk about 'Functioning Labels' today. Both those within and outside of the autistic community will be aware of the phrases 'High Functioning' and 'Low Functioning' but less people will probably be aware of the controversy surrounding them. I've heard several different people define these terms several different ways. Some people use quite a broad definition of 'High Functioning,' using it to mean anyone they deem to be 'coping,' while others seem to use a very specific definition as a reference to average IQ and the ability to talk. Regardless of the exact intended meaning of these phrases many of us believe them to be outdated and unhelpful. There are two primary problems with the use of 'Functioning Labels' and this is what I wish to discuss. Firstly, we don't always feel 'High Functioning....

Hey All! Sorry that this post is coming to you a little later than my usual Wednesday evening upload time. This week has just been SO overwhelming; moving into a new flat, returning to uni and starting a new job has obviously been a lot for me to process! However, it does lead me on nicely to today's topic... For a lot of us on the spectrum routine is a key part of our lives and something we depend on in order to feel in control and understand the world around us. It is for this reason that we can really struggle when our routine is suddenly changed. This is something I've been finding challenging myself recently. Quite often the change I struggle with concerns the smallest things, things that those around me would never consider to be a problem. For example, we don't have WiFi in our flat yet so I didn't get to watch Holby on Tuesday (no spoilers please!) and this has thrown me off a bit. Another example would be my new shift hours changing my meal schedule. While I...