How Finding Support Changes Everything 💖
Hey!
I hope you are all doing so well. Thank you so much for being patient while I took a small break. As those of you who have read my previous posts may know I have been going through a rather difficult depressive episode and anxious period. One thing I haven't yet talked about is the toxic living situation which had in fact worsened my mental state and heavily affected my self esteem and worth. While I don't wish to go into detail about the exact nature of this situation, what I would like to talk about today is how being in a much more supportive environment has massively helped me start moving forward.
Leaving my previous living situation I was struggling with an excessive amount of anxiety and extremely poor self esteem. I had left with a conditioned fear of upsetting or angering those around me, and I was carrying a lot of trauma from being trapped in a situation in which you are constantly being torn down. I felt like my nature as an autistic and anxious individual had been taken advantage of. I had adjusted to a life walking on egg shells. Having already been in a dark place for months this experience only left me feeling even more isolated. Many of these issues are things I'm still struggling with but the drastic change in my situation over the last month has made a huge impact on my progress. I am now in a situation where I live with people who genuinely care about me and think I'm great and who build me up. I don't have to be scared of leaving my room or being told off. It's not so much about surrounding yourself with yes men but more about surrounding yourself with people who respect you and make you feel good enough.
I think it's incredibly difficult to leave a manipulative or toxic situation without hang ups and learnt behaviors, to be gas lit with no scars. Personally, the situation I experienced worsened an already existing difficulty with over apologizing out of a fear of being scorned or abandoned. In past I may have been criticized or told off for this behavior, but the wonderful people I now live with seem to have a much kinder and effective approach. Whenever I unnecessary apologize I'm not chastised, but rather simply reminded that I'm absolutely fine, that I'm great and that I've done nothing wrong. I feel like it's understood that this is a learnt behavior that is a result of trauma, that I'm doing this to be annoying or to seem like a better person. I feel like people finally see what's actually going on with me.
I'm learning to take compliments, to see what others like about me. I'm getting back in hobbies which had been abandoned in my darkest moments; writing, sport, music, art and baking. I'm learning to breathe and how to live outside of survival mode, a difficult task when you've been on edge for months at a time. Things are still not perfect or easy but I'm making progress.
To those who have been supporting and caring for me, those who given me a home again (and you know who you are), I'm so grateful for your kindness and affection. I feel like I've gained a family with you 💖
I just thought I'd give a little update on how doing and let you know that things are looking up. Look out for new posts now that things are getting better!
Look out for yourself.
See you later Alligator!
Freya x
IMAGE: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/476396466822994931/?lp=true
I hope you are all doing so well. Thank you so much for being patient while I took a small break. As those of you who have read my previous posts may know I have been going through a rather difficult depressive episode and anxious period. One thing I haven't yet talked about is the toxic living situation which had in fact worsened my mental state and heavily affected my self esteem and worth. While I don't wish to go into detail about the exact nature of this situation, what I would like to talk about today is how being in a much more supportive environment has massively helped me start moving forward.
Leaving my previous living situation I was struggling with an excessive amount of anxiety and extremely poor self esteem. I had left with a conditioned fear of upsetting or angering those around me, and I was carrying a lot of trauma from being trapped in a situation in which you are constantly being torn down. I felt like my nature as an autistic and anxious individual had been taken advantage of. I had adjusted to a life walking on egg shells. Having already been in a dark place for months this experience only left me feeling even more isolated. Many of these issues are things I'm still struggling with but the drastic change in my situation over the last month has made a huge impact on my progress. I am now in a situation where I live with people who genuinely care about me and think I'm great and who build me up. I don't have to be scared of leaving my room or being told off. It's not so much about surrounding yourself with yes men but more about surrounding yourself with people who respect you and make you feel good enough.
I think it's incredibly difficult to leave a manipulative or toxic situation without hang ups and learnt behaviors, to be gas lit with no scars. Personally, the situation I experienced worsened an already existing difficulty with over apologizing out of a fear of being scorned or abandoned. In past I may have been criticized or told off for this behavior, but the wonderful people I now live with seem to have a much kinder and effective approach. Whenever I unnecessary apologize I'm not chastised, but rather simply reminded that I'm absolutely fine, that I'm great and that I've done nothing wrong. I feel like it's understood that this is a learnt behavior that is a result of trauma, that I'm doing this to be annoying or to seem like a better person. I feel like people finally see what's actually going on with me.
I'm learning to take compliments, to see what others like about me. I'm getting back in hobbies which had been abandoned in my darkest moments; writing, sport, music, art and baking. I'm learning to breathe and how to live outside of survival mode, a difficult task when you've been on edge for months at a time. Things are still not perfect or easy but I'm making progress.
To those who have been supporting and caring for me, those who given me a home again (and you know who you are), I'm so grateful for your kindness and affection. I feel like I've gained a family with you 💖
I just thought I'd give a little update on how doing and let you know that things are looking up. Look out for new posts now that things are getting better!
Look out for yourself.
See you later Alligator!
Freya x
(Fluctuating line graph formed of flowers with the words 'healing is not linear')
IMAGE: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/476396466822994931/?lp=true
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