Learning to Take a Step Back: Health over Productivity
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Anxiety, Stress, Mental Health
Hey!
I hope you've been well. Honestly, I've been finding the last couple of weeks very challenging; physically and emotionally. To anyone who has spent time with me recently this will not be a surprise. This first term has been tough and it has knocked me and it has tired me, and it is only now that I've started to show myself my kind of compassion that I have needed. Today I thought that I'd talk a little about my recent experiences with burnout, stress and mental health as an autistic person with mental health and physical health challenges, partially for awareness and partially to let anyone who is having a difficult time right now know that they are not alone and that it is okay to struggle.
I have always been one to push myself and expect myself to be capable of doing more and more; in short I have never been very good at showing kindness to myself. I have always been heavily critical of myself and have always been hard on myself in a way that I would never be towards another person. From the outside looking in it probably doesn't make a lot of sense because I truly believe in the truth of self compassion and the importance of mental health and pride myself on the fact that I would judge anyone else for struggling. I believe that in many ways many of my issues stem from having a very loud inner-critic and from being an incredibly anxious person; I am always worried that things will go wrong and if I believe that it is or will be myself I become very frustrated with myself. Simultaneously to all of this, I am also someone who is prone to becoming incredibly overwhelmed, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've always been aware of why I've sometimes struggled with physical limitations, or rather physical issues which have attempted to limit me, having been diagnosed with cerebral palsy as a young child, but I didn't know why I become so easily overwhelmed in emotional or mental capacities. Because I didn't quite understand why I had difficulties in these areas I perhaps didn't show myself enough forgiveness, viewing myself as a pain or as weak. However, even as I've gained a greater understanding of myself over the last few years and have learnt more about my own mental health struggles, and most recently about my identity as a young adult living on the autistic spectrum, I still haven't shown myself enough compassion. I am a huge advocate for self-love and mental health validity, but I haven't always been a great advocate for myself.
(Freya sat smiling on a wall: I have been anxious and overly self-critical)
Which brings us to now. I am a 20 year old autistic, dyslexic young adult with both physical disabilities and mental health problems, living in our country's capital and attempting balance work, study and a social life, not to mention I've just had a first term where it's felt like everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. The most ridiculous part of all of this is that when I start to struggle I'm surprised and I feel so bad for struggling at all. Stress has been a real problem for me, as well as burnout and an increase in meltdown/shutdown. I've found myself feeling physically worse, more anxious, less able to manage everything, a lot less confident, with a lower mood and afraid that a trichotillomania relapse is on the horizon. I don't say any of this for pity or to make you worry about me, I am fine and I have amazing people supporting me, I say this to show what the reality of being a disabled, autistic person with mental health problems in our society can be and to illustrate a point; I suck at self-compassion. Throughout all of this the last person I've thought about compassionately is myself; instead I've been worried about who my stress will cause me to let down or which friends I'm annoying. If anything this lack of concern for my own wellbeing has only made things more difficult for myself, causing me to ignore the steps I should have taken earlier and not to ask for help.
I am know trying really hard to look after myself and to get myself back on track. The last few months have left me feeling a little bruised and worn but I will get back to myself. Ultimately I need to recognise that everyone struggles and that is okay and that is also okay to show a little extra self-compassion and self-forgiveness when you live with things that can make the knocks a little harder. Thank you to the people who have been there for me recently, you have absolutely no idea how much it means to me. I love you all so much. The plan from here? Hard work but also fun and self-care :)
(Freya sat next to display for Christopher Robin film with Tigger toy during the summer: I'm going to work harder on self-care)
If posts are a little inconsistent at the moment I apologize, things are just a little tough right now.
Stay well and take care.
See you later Alligators!
Freya x
Hey!
I hope you've been well. Honestly, I've been finding the last couple of weeks very challenging; physically and emotionally. To anyone who has spent time with me recently this will not be a surprise. This first term has been tough and it has knocked me and it has tired me, and it is only now that I've started to show myself my kind of compassion that I have needed. Today I thought that I'd talk a little about my recent experiences with burnout, stress and mental health as an autistic person with mental health and physical health challenges, partially for awareness and partially to let anyone who is having a difficult time right now know that they are not alone and that it is okay to struggle.
I have always been one to push myself and expect myself to be capable of doing more and more; in short I have never been very good at showing kindness to myself. I have always been heavily critical of myself and have always been hard on myself in a way that I would never be towards another person. From the outside looking in it probably doesn't make a lot of sense because I truly believe in the truth of self compassion and the importance of mental health and pride myself on the fact that I would judge anyone else for struggling. I believe that in many ways many of my issues stem from having a very loud inner-critic and from being an incredibly anxious person; I am always worried that things will go wrong and if I believe that it is or will be myself I become very frustrated with myself. Simultaneously to all of this, I am also someone who is prone to becoming incredibly overwhelmed, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've always been aware of why I've sometimes struggled with physical limitations, or rather physical issues which have attempted to limit me, having been diagnosed with cerebral palsy as a young child, but I didn't know why I become so easily overwhelmed in emotional or mental capacities. Because I didn't quite understand why I had difficulties in these areas I perhaps didn't show myself enough forgiveness, viewing myself as a pain or as weak. However, even as I've gained a greater understanding of myself over the last few years and have learnt more about my own mental health struggles, and most recently about my identity as a young adult living on the autistic spectrum, I still haven't shown myself enough compassion. I am a huge advocate for self-love and mental health validity, but I haven't always been a great advocate for myself.
(Freya sat smiling on a wall: I have been anxious and overly self-critical)
Which brings us to now. I am a 20 year old autistic, dyslexic young adult with both physical disabilities and mental health problems, living in our country's capital and attempting balance work, study and a social life, not to mention I've just had a first term where it's felt like everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. The most ridiculous part of all of this is that when I start to struggle I'm surprised and I feel so bad for struggling at all. Stress has been a real problem for me, as well as burnout and an increase in meltdown/shutdown. I've found myself feeling physically worse, more anxious, less able to manage everything, a lot less confident, with a lower mood and afraid that a trichotillomania relapse is on the horizon. I don't say any of this for pity or to make you worry about me, I am fine and I have amazing people supporting me, I say this to show what the reality of being a disabled, autistic person with mental health problems in our society can be and to illustrate a point; I suck at self-compassion. Throughout all of this the last person I've thought about compassionately is myself; instead I've been worried about who my stress will cause me to let down or which friends I'm annoying. If anything this lack of concern for my own wellbeing has only made things more difficult for myself, causing me to ignore the steps I should have taken earlier and not to ask for help.
I am know trying really hard to look after myself and to get myself back on track. The last few months have left me feeling a little bruised and worn but I will get back to myself. Ultimately I need to recognise that everyone struggles and that is okay and that is also okay to show a little extra self-compassion and self-forgiveness when you live with things that can make the knocks a little harder. Thank you to the people who have been there for me recently, you have absolutely no idea how much it means to me. I love you all so much. The plan from here? Hard work but also fun and self-care :)
(Freya sat next to display for Christopher Robin film with Tigger toy during the summer: I'm going to work harder on self-care)
If posts are a little inconsistent at the moment I apologize, things are just a little tough right now.
Stay well and take care.
See you later Alligators!
Freya x
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