My Autism Does Affect Me
Hey!
I hope you've had a great week and if you were involved I hope you had a fab Autism Awareness Week! Today I wanted to talk about autism again because something I experience a lot, including recently, is people questioning how autistic I am. Quite often the way it's worded isn't suggesting that I'm not autistic but rather that I'm not THAT autistic, which is still frustrating because it can feel like the ways in which I do struggle are being undermined. Today I thought I'd talk about why this might be an impression that some people have of me and why it can be SUPER annoying!
First, different people see different sides of me. This can be for a number of reasons; how close we are, what kind of situations we experience together and how often we see each other. Masking is a common trait among those on the spectrum. It's not so much that we're being fact, we're still us, but simply that we might be focusing really hard on things such as social skills and controlling our anxiety. There are plenty of situations in which I will be saying and doing things that I would do or say but may be working hard on other aspects of the interaction, making myself seem more neurotypical to those around me. It's logical that I would be closer to some people than others and that those people may see different parts of me and see more of my autistic traits. It's the people I'm closest to who I feel most comfortable allowing to see my social struggles, my special interests, my hyperness, my stimming, etc. It's also the people I see most and in a variety of situations who are more likely to have seen me struggle with overload or anxiety. If you're a close friend who has been on a night out with me or my mum whose been to the supermarket with me, you're more likely to be aware of some of my more difficult moments. Masking doesn't make us less autistic, it just means that we're aware of the social pressure to be normal.
Secondly, autism is a spectrum condition but that some of us have no difficulties. I would consider myself 'low support', even though I'm not always quite as independent as I would like to be I don't need as much support day to day as I might do. However, the reason I have been diagnosed as autistic is because I exist somewhere on the spectrum and I do have the traits which would lead to a diagnosis, some of which can pose difficulties. I think that sometimes the concept of the spectrum is misunderstood; if you are considered 'High-Functioning' (HATE that phrase!) that doesn't mean your autism doesn't affect you and it doesn't make you less autistic. I sometimes want to show people my questionnaire results, because however well you think I 'function' I am securely autistic and my autism does affect. I do find social ques and social situations hard to read, I do have days where I feel like my words have run away from me, I do experience overload, meltdowns and shutdowns, I do have sensory processing difficulties, I do live with a lot of anxiety. And ultimately I do have positive autistic traits which I feel heavily contribute to who I am; my passion for the things I'm interested in, my excitability, my somewhat childish giddiness, my sense of humor, etc.
Ultimately, I think that upsets me about being told that I don't seem that autistic is that it feels like I'm being erased. It feels like both the struggles and strengths that are a result of my autism and have highly influenced my life are being ignored. At the end of the day autism isn't just a disorder, it's a part of you and who ever wants to have an aspect of who they are doubted?!
Look after yourself <3
See you later Alligator!
Freya x
PHOTO SOURCE: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/3154162-i-am-autistic
I hope you've had a great week and if you were involved I hope you had a fab Autism Awareness Week! Today I wanted to talk about autism again because something I experience a lot, including recently, is people questioning how autistic I am. Quite often the way it's worded isn't suggesting that I'm not autistic but rather that I'm not THAT autistic, which is still frustrating because it can feel like the ways in which I do struggle are being undermined. Today I thought I'd talk about why this might be an impression that some people have of me and why it can be SUPER annoying!
First, different people see different sides of me. This can be for a number of reasons; how close we are, what kind of situations we experience together and how often we see each other. Masking is a common trait among those on the spectrum. It's not so much that we're being fact, we're still us, but simply that we might be focusing really hard on things such as social skills and controlling our anxiety. There are plenty of situations in which I will be saying and doing things that I would do or say but may be working hard on other aspects of the interaction, making myself seem more neurotypical to those around me. It's logical that I would be closer to some people than others and that those people may see different parts of me and see more of my autistic traits. It's the people I'm closest to who I feel most comfortable allowing to see my social struggles, my special interests, my hyperness, my stimming, etc. It's also the people I see most and in a variety of situations who are more likely to have seen me struggle with overload or anxiety. If you're a close friend who has been on a night out with me or my mum whose been to the supermarket with me, you're more likely to be aware of some of my more difficult moments. Masking doesn't make us less autistic, it just means that we're aware of the social pressure to be normal.
Secondly, autism is a spectrum condition but that some of us have no difficulties. I would consider myself 'low support', even though I'm not always quite as independent as I would like to be I don't need as much support day to day as I might do. However, the reason I have been diagnosed as autistic is because I exist somewhere on the spectrum and I do have the traits which would lead to a diagnosis, some of which can pose difficulties. I think that sometimes the concept of the spectrum is misunderstood; if you are considered 'High-Functioning' (HATE that phrase!) that doesn't mean your autism doesn't affect you and it doesn't make you less autistic. I sometimes want to show people my questionnaire results, because however well you think I 'function' I am securely autistic and my autism does affect. I do find social ques and social situations hard to read, I do have days where I feel like my words have run away from me, I do experience overload, meltdowns and shutdowns, I do have sensory processing difficulties, I do live with a lot of anxiety. And ultimately I do have positive autistic traits which I feel heavily contribute to who I am; my passion for the things I'm interested in, my excitability, my somewhat childish giddiness, my sense of humor, etc.
Ultimately, I think that upsets me about being told that I don't seem that autistic is that it feels like I'm being erased. It feels like both the struggles and strengths that are a result of my autism and have highly influenced my life are being ignored. At the end of the day autism isn't just a disorder, it's a part of you and who ever wants to have an aspect of who they are doubted?!
Look after yourself <3
See you later Alligator!
Freya x
PHOTO SOURCE: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/3154162-i-am-autistic
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