Trichotillomania: What is Progress?

Hey All! Hope everyone is well!

Just yesterday I stumbled across a Facebook memory from this time last year during #BFRBWeek, and it really got me thinking about progress and how we define progress. At that point in time I had no eyebrows and a small bald patch in the centre of my hairline. I was pulling everyday and losing considerable amounts of hair. Now I have eyebrows, my hairline is slowly become full again and I have my urges far more under control. But, do I still have trichotillomania?

Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy with and proud of how far I have come, but that doesn't mean that the 'progress' doesn't terrify me! The word 'progress' comes with pressure. You don't really want to say you've beaten something like trichotillomania because it just makes it 100x more heartbreaking and scary if you do relapse. It's that pressure to be 'cured' first time, to do recovery perfectly. However, this is very rarely our actualised experience of living with a condition or difficulty.

I also feel as though saying that I no longer have trichotillomania because I've got my pulling under control suggests that it is no longer part of my life; which it is! I may not be pulling but everyday I think about my hair, constantly monitoring it's growth, always trigged by the way it feels in my fingers, often wondering whether if I started to pull I'd be able to stop now. Trichotillomania is an OCD and from my own experience I am able to experience the obsessive thoughts while managing to control my compulsions; it's just hard. When I'm stressed I still find my hand reaching for my hair, I just so happen to have taught myself not to do the same damage I would before.

Progress doesn't mean you have to relinquish your experiences of struggle.

It's just a short post this week as I still don't have WiFi and writing a blog post on my phone doesn't quite feel right. If you've had any experience with BFRBs or processing your own progress let me know!

If any of the specific terms used in this post confuse you feel free to read my other post about trichotillomania and my own experience!

See you later Alligators!

Freya x

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