Book Review: Odd Girl Out
Hey All,
Unsurprisingly, following my diagnosis in the summer autism has become sort of its own special interest in my life. This is an experience which I have heard a few different people talk about online and it is my opinion that this comes from our instinctive need to research and understand. At least personally the way I process things is often by learning about them, meaning that the way I process is often less emotional and more informative. For this reason I have read a lot of books about autism in the months after my diagnosis. I think that this way of processing the diagnosis is more common than we may think, a fact that is suggested to me in part because I was actually recommended a few different books on my diagnosis letter. I have read several books and have found helpful parts in all of them, whether they be fiction, non-fiction or more of a memoir. However, I recently read 'Odd Girl Out' by Laura James and this was a book that I not only found useful but also found myself truly connecting to.
Every experience of autism is different and every autistic person is different, which means that when I say I connected to Laura's book I'm not saying that we necessary struggle with the exact same things or have the exact same history. There are some difficulties and experiences that it would seem that me and Laura share and others that we don't. However, what I found that I connected to within her book is how she felt about her struggles and about her experiences. This book isn't written by someone retrospectively looking back on their difficulties with all the answers and it isn't written from the perspective of someone who has 100% processed their ASD diagnosis. It is written by someone who is right in the middle of everything and that was exactly what I needed right now. The parts I found most relatable and most helpful were the parts when she talked about the difficulty of truly embracing an autism diagnosis or the parts when she talked about the pressure to now have all the answers, to now know how to fix everything. I've read resources and books on autism as a subject and how it works but I think what I had been looking for was the voice of someone who knows how it feels, who seems to get me.
In this book I think the most truthful parts were the hardest ones to read but also the ones which provided the most comfort. It is in chapter 12 that Laura starts to open up about how she's been struggling. A particular passage which really spoke to me was the following;
"Well I suppose I always feel like I'm running to catch up in terms of making enough money to keep the whole thing going for another year. I feel as if I never stop. On the other hand, I also feel as if the nice bits are getting fewer and farther between. It's as if there's nothing to look forward to anymore. The world disconcerts me. Life has changed too much and too quickly. I don't recognize where I am anymore. It's just seems as if every day another thing happens and there's something else to worry about. As soon as I manage to deal with something or accomodate it into my life, something else happens. I am struggling to cope and something is going to crack. I feel brittle. I feel physically worse than I have for years and emotionally so less regulated than usual. I am tired to my core. I'm sad and sick of my body and my brain. I just want everything to stop" (p.188/189).
This passage could be incredibly relatable to anyone who is struggling to cope right now or is having a difficult time with their mental health, but I think for me what I found made this passage so easy to connect to is the fact that it is written by an autistic women, someone who is obviously struggling but who's autism interacts with that mental struggle. Here I can recognise feelings of autistic burnout and of the constant tiredness of living in a neurotypical world. We are more likely to struggle with our mental health and is this kind of writing which highlights that and validates those of us who are struggling on the spectrum.
I've been honest about the fact that I've been struggling lately. I am lucky that I now have a little more support from the medical world and that I have amazing friends who have been looking out for me during this difficult time. However, this book has also definitely played its part in making me feel a little less alone.
Look after yourselves <3 See you later Alligators! Freya x
IMAGE: https://www.waterstones.com/book/odd-girl-out/laura-james/9781509843824
Unsurprisingly, following my diagnosis in the summer autism has become sort of its own special interest in my life. This is an experience which I have heard a few different people talk about online and it is my opinion that this comes from our instinctive need to research and understand. At least personally the way I process things is often by learning about them, meaning that the way I process is often less emotional and more informative. For this reason I have read a lot of books about autism in the months after my diagnosis. I think that this way of processing the diagnosis is more common than we may think, a fact that is suggested to me in part because I was actually recommended a few different books on my diagnosis letter. I have read several books and have found helpful parts in all of them, whether they be fiction, non-fiction or more of a memoir. However, I recently read 'Odd Girl Out' by Laura James and this was a book that I not only found useful but also found myself truly connecting to.
Every experience of autism is different and every autistic person is different, which means that when I say I connected to Laura's book I'm not saying that we necessary struggle with the exact same things or have the exact same history. There are some difficulties and experiences that it would seem that me and Laura share and others that we don't. However, what I found that I connected to within her book is how she felt about her struggles and about her experiences. This book isn't written by someone retrospectively looking back on their difficulties with all the answers and it isn't written from the perspective of someone who has 100% processed their ASD diagnosis. It is written by someone who is right in the middle of everything and that was exactly what I needed right now. The parts I found most relatable and most helpful were the parts when she talked about the difficulty of truly embracing an autism diagnosis or the parts when she talked about the pressure to now have all the answers, to now know how to fix everything. I've read resources and books on autism as a subject and how it works but I think what I had been looking for was the voice of someone who knows how it feels, who seems to get me.
In this book I think the most truthful parts were the hardest ones to read but also the ones which provided the most comfort. It is in chapter 12 that Laura starts to open up about how she's been struggling. A particular passage which really spoke to me was the following;
"Well I suppose I always feel like I'm running to catch up in terms of making enough money to keep the whole thing going for another year. I feel as if I never stop. On the other hand, I also feel as if the nice bits are getting fewer and farther between. It's as if there's nothing to look forward to anymore. The world disconcerts me. Life has changed too much and too quickly. I don't recognize where I am anymore. It's just seems as if every day another thing happens and there's something else to worry about. As soon as I manage to deal with something or accomodate it into my life, something else happens. I am struggling to cope and something is going to crack. I feel brittle. I feel physically worse than I have for years and emotionally so less regulated than usual. I am tired to my core. I'm sad and sick of my body and my brain. I just want everything to stop" (p.188/189).
This passage could be incredibly relatable to anyone who is struggling to cope right now or is having a difficult time with their mental health, but I think for me what I found made this passage so easy to connect to is the fact that it is written by an autistic women, someone who is obviously struggling but who's autism interacts with that mental struggle. Here I can recognise feelings of autistic burnout and of the constant tiredness of living in a neurotypical world. We are more likely to struggle with our mental health and is this kind of writing which highlights that and validates those of us who are struggling on the spectrum.
I've been honest about the fact that I've been struggling lately. I am lucky that I now have a little more support from the medical world and that I have amazing friends who have been looking out for me during this difficult time. However, this book has also definitely played its part in making me feel a little less alone.
Look after yourselves <3 See you later Alligators! Freya x
IMAGE: https://www.waterstones.com/book/odd-girl-out/laura-james/9781509843824
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